Relationships and Sex

When we talk about relationships and sex it can often feel like quite a difficult subject. What you need to remember is that this subject covers many things including friendships, body parts and body changes.

Figures show that children in care are at higher risk of becoming a teenage parent so it is vital that you feel able to talk about this subject.

You should ensure that as part of the young person’s plan you are clear of any family values or religious beliefs that underpin this subject. A parent may express wishes about their young person’s sex education, which should be taken into account, but your overriding aim must be to safeguard a young person’s health and well-being.

Should you feel unsure about any of this, talk to your supervising social worker about ways you can gain the information you need to support a young person living with you.

Young people need communication, guidance, and information about these issues, even if they sometimes don’t appear to be interested in what you have to say. They may come across a lot of inappropriate information on the TV, radio or internet, so they need to be able to check out what is right and what is wrong.

Remember to talk to young people, whatever their gender identity, and don’t assume that if there are two providers, the other is doing it. Where appropriate both providers should be involved in these conversations.

You must adopt the same approach with young people who explore or are confused about their sexual identity or who have decided to follow a particular lifestyle so long as it is not abusive or illegal.

Discussing relationships and sex can be more complex if the young person has been sexually abused. They may blame themselves and have confused feelings about the purpose of sex. You may need to work closely with other professionals including the young person’s social worker/young person’s advisor to ensure they are clear about appropriate relationships and sexual behaviour, and to rebuild self-esteem, confidence and develop trusting relationships.

You should try not to project how you feel about the subject onto the young person, so if you cringe when asked a question, the young person may also shut down or be unsure what this means.

Research says that if parents/carers talk to children and young people about this subject they are more likely to delay having sex and use contraception when they do.

Effective relationships and sex education at home and in education are essential if young people are to make responsible and well-informed decisions about their lives and resist peer pressure.

Some useful tips:

• It is always best to check out what a young person knows, so if they ask you a question, ask them what they think it means;
• Do not wait for them to raise the subject. You could talk to a young person about something that has been circulating on the internet or in the news to get their views.  You should also cover topics such as friendships, respect, consent and trust;
• Find leaflets or appropriate websites to look at together;
• Contact local services or look online for more information.

Some young people may have a desire to have a baby. They may think that by doing this, they can create their own family, which could offer love and stability. It may be useful to seek support from their social worker/young person’s advisor or your Supported Lodgings Social Worker about this. They could help you identify possible agencies that may be able to advise you. They may look at discussion points such as:

• How they plan to support a baby emotionally and financially;
• What are the day to day costs needed to care for a baby;
• Experiencing what it is like to care for a baby;
• What do they want for their children?

Issues of confidentiality are vital in promoting positive relationships and sex education. The main principle regarding confidentiality is that you should not tell anybody someone’s personal information unless failure to do so would put them at risk or suspected risk. Young people have a right to expect that those who work with or support them respect their privacy.

If your young person is in a sexual relationship you should speak to your Supervising Worker and/or the young person’s social worker/young person’s advisor to agree what steps to take to reduce the risk of pregnancy or infection, including contact with a sexual health service. As a provider you can open up discussions but steer a way in giving a direct opinion on one form of contraceptive, as there are choices available and, the G.P or sexual health services are trained to do this.

If a young person is suspected or known to be pregnant or has a sexually transmitted infection, you should speak to the young person’s social worker/young person’s advisor. You can also ask for support from your Supported Lodgings Social Worker to assist you in having kind, sensitive conversations with your young person.

If you are concerned that a young person is being abused, exploited or at risk of harm, you should tell your young person that you need to share your concerns with the young person’s social worker /young person’s advisor as soon as possible.

See: Sexual Exploitation.

Remember that early sharing of information is key to providing effective help for young people. Where possible, practitioners should share confidential personal information with Children’s Social Care with consent. However, where there are concerns that a young person is suffering, or is likely to suffer, significant harm, practitioners should be willing to share information without consent where the public interest served by protecting the young person from harm outweighs the duty of confidentiality.

Sexual Health/GUM clinic, University Hospital of North Durham, Durham DH1 5TW  0191 3728700.